I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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