Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
