booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
