Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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