real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
