Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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