I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
