Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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