Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
