oh god the rape fog is back!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
