So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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