I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
