God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
