Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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