I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
