It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
