new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
