i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
