I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
