I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
