i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
