Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
