the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can I color on your dick again?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
