I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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