Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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