Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
