If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
