Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
