I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
