Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
did you just send me my own nude
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
