YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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