I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
