someone threw a dead crab at me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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