Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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