okay pat passed out under dana's car
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
