The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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