his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
