im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
