I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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