the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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