Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
