He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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