Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
