This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
