so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
