I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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