She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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