My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
