oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
