I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
